× ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ

[bountyhead]

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death in 3, 2, 1

[brokeassgoing]

[he was blissfully warm and dare he think fuzzy for all of two seconds before ice water over his head and veins just, ruins that. Brings him back to reality like the horror of some Eminem song and the white boys of 2003.

Her laughter rings in his head to accompany the quiet chuckles and hushed whispers of the people around them. His face and soul do a real, true journey as he changes enough colors to make any camouflaged animal jealous.]

Right.

[his mouth stretches into a grin, his now extinguished cigarette falls to the carpet below as he gets a forkfull of pasta and flings it right into her open cleavage]

any last words, Badou?

[bountyhead]

[ It's right at the point of her hysterics that her eyes are blurred with tears and she's completely unsuspecting to the heap of pasta that's flying and now smacking against her chest with a mighty but sloppy force. It stickily clings to her skin but just the slightest bit of movement means the noodles are slithering their way between her breasts and it feels gross.

She's frozen in shock at first, painfully mindful of the shocked/amused reactions that now form around her. ]

You... jerk...!

[ She spits out through gritted teeth. But there's also what sounds like a laugh that chases after her words. The type of laughter when someone is so angry that their window of tolerance shatters and all they can do is laugh to keep it from going haywire.

Faye's eyes hurriedly dart around the table for what to grab -- and then she spots the steak. That juicy, tender slab of meat that she doesn't exactly want to waste but feels it's necessary in this case. So she reaches over and grabs it, squeezes it in her hand, and quickly swings it back before smacking Badou across the face with it. ]

please bury me face down w/no underwear so ppl can kiss my butt one last time

[brokeassgoing]

[badou has about a second to bask in the victory of his seeming revenge until that steak smacks him and lays him freaking flat across the table. he crashes into the surface, rattling and toppling their dishes and the rest of the booze. stars and planets and boobs spin across his vision while he's down there in defeat.

he's not going to be outdone completely, though. he may have lost the battle but the war isn't over yet. still spinning and simmering in humiliation (a familiar taste), he picks himself up, wobbles over to a nearby table, and picks up a nearby patron's plate of shrimp something-or-other.]

You don't have food allergies, right?

[and he flings the shrimpies off the plate and right into Faye's face]

check and check

[bountyhead]

[ Faye's pleased with the near-K.O. she's just inflicted on him, stopping to look at the steak that's still gripped firmly in her grasp before taking another bite. Because hey, it's still salvagable. And while she's relishing the taste (added flavor of Badou's face), she doesn't catch his revival and the move he makes towards another table.

It's too late to answer with something snotty because right as she turns to look at him, shrimp is raining down on her -- smack after smack of cold seafood against her skin. She makes the mistake of opening her mouth and one flies in, getting sucked down her throat hole and causing her to choke until she manages to spit the piece out.

She unleashes a growl and peers over her shoulder where a couple was innocently enjoying their food (and now the spectacle at hand). One of them has a large salad that's barely been touched, so she shoves her hand inside, almost taking the bowl with her, and starts hurling it at him.

Whoever the salad belonged to liked a lot of dressing so the shit is going EVERYWHERE. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[he knew it wasn't over; it isn't over till it's over. the salad dressing is the worst kind: thousand island. it reeks, it goes up his nose, he sneezes and huffs and yuck its in his eye too!!! he scrubs at it with the heel of his hand, furiously, furious.]

It's really on, isn't it.

[nearby, another gaping couple. another ruined meal. this time it's something with scallops-- what's with the people and seafood here? this guy clearly wanted to get lucky. he is not. because faye and badou are her and if they can't have fun, no one else can.
the redhead takes the scallops in rice (sick..) and tosses it at her right back, aiming particularly at her chest too]

[bountyhead]

You bet it is, baby.

[ The rice is sticky and it clings to her much like the pasta from his previous assault and god it's so gross she almost wants to scream. All she did was drench him in water and this is the payback she gets: a cleavage filled with a sloppy mess of pasta and seafood because apparently that's Badou's singular target in this war. What he doesn't realize is that it supplies her with ammo, so he may see her digging inside her dress but that's only to gather up enough in her hand to fling right back at him.

( Meanwhile, management is looking like they're about to explode and are stomping their way over. )

Faye moves on to a different table. A plate of garlic bread goes flying in Badou's direction, plate included, before she spots something that's even better. Messier. ]

All right, now you're asking for it.

[ As if he wasn't the moment it all began. Let's be real here, Faye is too. She grabs a plate full of food, walks right up to him, and --- Badou's head, say hello to this big ol' heaping plate of penne burgouise because she's dumping it all over you!!! ]

[brokeassgoing]

[apparently sea-ful boobs is his fetish, get a life, Faye, get with the program. he's momentarily distracted by the fishing that she's doing and all, not to mention he wants some of that soggy garlic bread for later, that's on the list--

but it's when his hair is coated in this crap that he shrieks, half a laugh and half in disbelief. it slops into his eye again and down the collar of shirt, and if you thought water on a white shirt was sexy just look at Badou now.

still cackling, almost madly, he searches the tables for the nearest idiot with spaghetti. there's always one]

[bountyhead]

[ Red sauce on red hair. It's a look. How it drips onto the white of his suit and completely ruins it turns it into a fashion statement and let's just say Faye is so pleased with herself at the idea.

But it won't last long. She's perceptive to what Badou has in store for her when he goes for that spaghetti. ]

Hey, look, why don't we just stop right now and call it a truce, eh?

[ Does she sound nervous? You're imagining it. See how she smiles (nervously) and starts backing away so there's a wider amount of distance forming? It isn't that she whole-heartedly does not want any of that on her head -- or more so, knowing he has every reason to do it and she 100% deserves it. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[Badou does pause long enough to really consider it. Take it all in-- all that crap dripping into his eye and through his hair, sliding into the back of his shirt. His wet, marinara'd titties. Faye's. He doesn't lower the next plate, though]

I don't know...can I really trust you? You won't betray me? I dunno, you might betray me.

[bountyhead]

[ That may be his grave mistake.

It isn't obvious right away. She lowers her hands and places them behind her. Her shapely body shifts forward, inching closer, appearing to be genuinely sorry and that she's completely finished with this battle. White flag and what-have-you. ]

Me? Betray? I'm hurt, Badou.

[ Closer. She's hoping by the time that she's close enough to touch him he'll have lowered the plate. With one hand still behind her back, she draws the other out to press the point of her index finger to his chest. Gingerly, she starts trailing it down the front of his body, dragging whatever remnants of seafood and pasta have found home in the folds of his shirt. ]

What do you say we get out of here and wash this gunk off?

[ There's that kittenish smirk. Nothing suspicious about any of this at all. ]

[brokeassgoing]

[that's certainly distracting, the little line of heat of her fingertip through the fabric of his shirt, her demure little dozy gaze.....


he doesn't lower it, as much as he wants to. he offers his free hand]

Take my hand and I'll wash you from head to toe.

[voice soft, raspy; he's not falling for it, Faye]

[bountyhead]

[ This almost sounds like an excerpt from a romance novel -- if the story involved some sexy food fighting. But there was nothing sexy about this particular food fight. No lustful exchanges or heavy (messy) petting. Instead, Faye has stopped to take note of how Badou... isn't... lowering the plate in his hand.

And her face flattens.

She's choosing not to take his hand because while she may have kept him distracted with that delicate touch, her concealed hand was reaching for something off another table. It probably wasn't as subtle as it sounds so chances are he's already aiming to drench her while she, on the other hand, is hooking her finger into his pants and pulling them open. ]

I have another idea.

[ With a grin, she quickly brings whatever it was she grabbed and swings it around to then dump right inside his trousers. It sounds mushy and kind of reeks like vinegar. ]

... oops!

[brokeassgoing]

[badou shrieks into the heavens

it skyrockets into the ceiling, probably goes out into the atmosphere, the martians probably think it's those stupid humans again trying to send them static. when we come back to earth badou's still standing, frozen, with mushy stuff running down his junk. he's breathing hard, now, single eye bloodshot with rage before he sets down his own plate



and tackles Faye]

[bountyhead]

[ Now if that isn't the funniest reaction that Faye has ever witnessed/heard. His shriek honestly catches her by surprise at first, but soon enough she's doubled over in laughter, hardly noticing that he's putting his plate down and eyeballing her in a death glare.

But her sweet laughing fit is abruptly cut short when Badou comes barrelling at her, bringing them both to the ground with a hearty thud. Faye lets out a jolted grunt and immediately starts scrambling to fight him off, including rudely pushing at his face. ]

G-GET OFF!!

[brokeassgoing]

[he just holds her by the shoulders, face red and hair streaming while he breathes deeply, raggedly, and looks at her, just looks at her, past her hand against his face]

You're the best worst first date, y'know that?!

[he's pretty steamed, but the equally ragged and unhinged chuckle that bubbles out of him is pretty contrary]

!!!!!!!!!! i'm screaming

[bountyhead]

[ She glares up at him. He might have only one eye but it feels like a damn spotlight with the way he's looking at her. She's just about ready to shove him off because will you quit looking at me like that?! but then-- ]

Yeah? Well, so are you!

[ That's a defensive bite. It takes a hot minute for her anger to recede before it fully registers. How this entire date just ... escalated. The hilariously absurd state they're presently in -- covered in a number of different patron's food (including their own).

She's tickled; her shoulders quaking with a quiet laughter that soon amplifies into a loud cackle. ]

=u=!!

[brokeassgoing]

[the sound of her own laughter, the way it washes over him, has him letting his shoulders down just a tick from that irritated, wrathful even, jut. his mouth tips into another set of snickers and snorts]

Well thank you very friggin' much!

[they're about to be kicked out of the fanciest place he's probably ever been in, or ever will be in, but he can't stop cracking up]

[bountyhead]

[ The chuckles and cackles won't die from her lips either. It's like someone smoked the place with laughing gas. Not even the aggressive approach from both the manager and a few angered customers (whose dinner currently drips from their clothing) seems to put a dent in it.

Faye leans up about halfway up off the floor, bringing the proximity to exist as a small, tight gap between their faces. She's smiling, still very much amused, and tells him in a hushed voice: ]

On three, we book it.

[ Because by the sound of it, the police are being called, and do they really want to spend the night in a cell all drenched and crusted in Italian food? Don't think so. ]

One... two...

[ But she will teasingly lick a bit of the sauce from off his nose first. ]

... three!

[brokeassgoing]

[he has clam chowder in his drawers (no that is not a sexy metaphor) and he's covered in other gunk (also not one) but the spark in her eyes, the little flash of warmth from her tongue, engulfs all of that.

for all of 2 seconds after '3'. once it registers, he grabs her by the hand and takes off! the staff, the disgruntled customers, perhaps hadn't expected this. they'd expected shame (why...after watching this travesty for the past 10 minutes, would they), not--

this]

[bountyhead]

[ She can feel the slimy residue of pasta as it treks down the front of her body and it's disgusting and the running definitely doesn't help with that. But once they've stopped a fair distance away from the restaurant, Faye still seems to be laughing about everything. ]

Gren's going to be so pissed.

[ Which makes her laugh all the more, even when the whole digging spaghetti and shrimp out of her cleavage and the mushy feel of it between her fingers as she flings it at the ground is grossing her out. ]

[brokeassgoing]

He's not too bloodthirsty...but he might do something worse. You gotta watch out for those.

[this is disgusting he almost doesn't want to shower and let this crap go down the drain...it'll clog the entire thing! sick. but he still can't stop laughing, wheezing with just how ridiculous this entire thing is!]

[bountyhead]

[ Faye continues to join him in his laughter until it dies away with one, big sigh. Her amusement still lingers in her smile. ]

If this doesn't teach him a lesson then next time I say we do it even bigger.

[ See, she isn't so bad once you get her out of her shell (and start a ridiculous food fight with her). ... Did she say next time? You didn't catch that. ]

So-- [ Moving on. ] Is this where we say "until next time" and part ways, or do you think this date deserves to end with a goodnight kiss? [ There's a hint of teasing there but it's also genuine!! ]

[brokeassgoing]

He might really kill us next time.

[despite that, a grin splits his face. the thought of next time...even if its incredibly stupid as tonight was, even as weird-- it's a nice thought. his heart surges.

o-oh! a goodnight kiss. he's taken aback, grin sliding into something goofy.]

I think a ten outta ten date like this does deserve a goodnight kiss.

[he leans in a little, looks at her through his eyelashes. stoops, until he can see the flecks of her lipstick smeared around her mouth]

I dunno, though. What would you rate it?

BADOUUUUU ur 2 cute ;~;

[bountyhead]

[ The goofy grin suits him. Her smile ripens into something warm; affectionate. She can't even help herself at this point. ]

Ten out of ten, huh? I think I can agree with that.

[ Her skin will probably break out from all the food that's now drying into crust. She might never get the stains out of this dress and she should be mad about it but... it was worth it. Wasn't it?

There's a small break of hesitance when Badou leans in; embarrassment when she realizes how sheepish she's starting to feel. She focuses on the marinara droplets that peppered his face much like his freckles and then finds herself leaning in -- slowly. Carefully.

And then without another word, just like that, she kisses him. ]

NOOO FAYES CUTE I HAD TO DUCK AND HIDE MY FACE IM SMILING SO HARD

[brokeassgoing]

[the thing about kisses that are anticipated is-- they're coveted, as treasured as that surprise smooch, adrenaline soaring in his ears that .2 seconds before their lips meet. That goofy grin never leaves his face, even as he closes his eye, even as he wraps an arm around her waist.

this is all so disgusting and stupid but this....worth it. absolutely.]